That’s how you blow your bday candle! @sofi_baron

Solo faltan horas para que se cumplan 14 años desde que tuve la suerte y el privilegio de ser el primero en recibir a mi hermana Sofía y darle la bienvenida al mundo. Fué un momento mágico, lleno de emociones. Era tan pequeña, tan linda, tan dulce. La tomé sin miedo y mientras caminaba por los pasillos del hospital donde nació, le canté una canción. Me siento tan orgulloso y lleno de amor al verla crecer! Feliz cumpleaños hermanita/ahijada, doy gracias a la vida por ponerte en mi camino y darme tanta felicidad. Junto a Paula, la Lela y la mamá has hecho que mi amor y admiración por las mujeres sea más grande de lo que quizás logren entender. TE AMO!

Solo faltan horas para que se cumplan 14 años desde que tuve la suerte y el privilegio de ser el primero en recibir a mi hermana Sofía y darle la bienvenida al mundo. Fué un momento mágico, lleno de emociones. Era tan pequeña, tan linda, tan dulce. La tomé sin miedo y mientras caminaba por los pasillos del hospital donde nació, le canté una canción. Me siento tan orgulloso y lleno de amor al verla crecer! Feliz cumpleaños hermanita/ahijada, doy gracias a la vida por ponerte en mi camino y darme tanta felicidad. Junto a Paula, la Lela y la mamá has hecho que mi amor y admiración por las mujeres sea más grande de lo que quizás logren entender. TE AMO!

I love this moment and that laugh! Oh @alanis <3

THE RELATIONAL SELF VS. THE INDIVIDUAL SELF

THE NEED FOR LOVING ATTACHMENT HAS BEEN FOUND IN ALL CULTURES ACROSS ALL GENERATIONS. THE NEED OF INDIVIDUALS TO BE UNDERSTOOD AND affirmed crosses all genders and cultures. And the need to experience oneself as a part of a community has been crucial to the survival of human beings in every era throughout history. Some things never change and it is time we embrace this truth about the human condition. Needing others is not a weakness; it is the most wonderful thing about being the most social creature on the planet.  But there is another side, the need to be accepted and valued by others as an individual, who is separate and autonomous.

At the core of this is the desire of humans to be recognized below the level of persona, or ego, as the real person inside. All couples’ work is an attempt to help connect mind and heart to form an island of safety. In today’s modern culture, this is the best shot we have for the kind of real connection that makes us heal and grow.

Yet we remain a nation of rugged individualists. There are signs of this in our culture—in  movies, for example: From “Die Hard” to “Homeland,” our typical screen hero is the rebellious iconoclast who breaks all the rules, outperforms allies as well as enemies, and corrects injustice almost singlehandedly. He (and, increasingly, she) is typically a loner — whose primary relationships are estranged at best — making it clear that individual heroism and intimacy just don’t go together. Such powerful myths tend to echo popular culture, so it is no surprise that our greatest ailment is disconnection and a sense of aloneness for many. Today we have the largest number of single-person households in world history. The percentage of Americans living by themselves has doubled since 1960. Only 51% of adults today are married, according to census data. And 28% of all households now consist of just one person — the highest level in U.S. history. The extraordinary rise of living alone is among the greatest social changes since the baby boom.

There is nothing wrong with individual freedom, of course; this is the advantage of the social change of the last few decades. But there are consequences, and loneliness is often one of them. With this focus on being independent, people are also missing out on the power relationships have to make their lives better.

Just one example of this is that research shows that bonding with other people in new relationships helps to heal old wounds. By focusing on the primacy of relationships, we can find a vital basis for happiness and meaning without losing our recognition of “self.”

One unexpected downside of the rise of our culture of “self-esteem,” is an epidemic of emotional isolation. More than four times as many Americans describe themselves as lonely now as in 1957. In Bowling Alone, Robert Putnam documented the steep decline in all kinds of social connections. Over recent decades, we’ve become less likely to belong to clubs and community organizations, less likely to have friends over for dinner, and less likely to visit our neighbors. We tune into television shows depicting strong ties between friends, but our social contacts are slight compared to those enjoyed by earlier generations. It’s almost as if we are starving for affection.

Recognizing the lifesaving importance of connecting deeply with others, the repercussions of doing nothing could be devastating to each of us, our families and our culture. First, we must understand the dynamics of developing new relational patterns. Then we must commit to the discomfort of changing our assumptions and our behavior, because that is how we can get consciously involved in rewiring neurobiological systems that have been unconsciously built over time. Depending on the mindset of those involved and the degree of trust they feel, small changes in body, mind and emotional defenses can eventually create big changes in relationships.  As the messages of “Me to We,” spreads to wider society through books, films, songs, magazine stories and news outlets, a new culture will emerge.  The shift to putting relationships first has already begun.  The more people say, “I’M IN,”  to the movement Relationships First seeks to ignite, the sooner our culture will be enabled by connections between people.

By Marion Solomon, PhD / RelationshipsFirst.org

http://relationshipsfirst.org/ love healing individualism new world